(Edouard Manet)
We host a lot of dinner parties. Probably more than anyone we know. And over the years, I've learned the most important thing: the host should have the most fun.
That means not feeling overworked, stressed, or too scattered to eat properly and actually sit and talk. These days, I put the effort in beforehand, set everything up, and then let my guests take over. One or two of them feel gloriously let loose — they run the show — and I end up relaxing and enjoying my own home. Perfect.
Here's what I've learned makes the night.
1 – What do you want to eat? Cook your favourite food, or whatever you feel like making. This isn't about impressing anyone. If you want to try something new, do it. If you know you won't have time to prepare, organise a clever potluck — without the luck. Tell people exactly what to bring. Most people want to contribute anyway, so say yes. It's a dinner party, not a restaurant review.
2 – Set up your dining area before you go near the kitchen. This is the fun part, and the hard lesson is to do it first. If you leave it until after you've done kitchen prep, you'll never have time to do it properly. I set the table first, clear the decks, and then while I'm cooking, I can look over at the table and feel happy. It just looks so good. The cooking is so much more enjoyable when you're not watching the clock.
3 – The table. Vitally important. It sets the tone for the whole evening — this is where you engage the senses. Colour, texture, pattern, mood.
Start with your tablecloth. Heavy linen, hemp, or good quality cotton is preferable — light, flimsy fabrics slide around and look sad by the end of the night. A tablecloth also does something most people don't expect: it changes the acoustics of the room. It softens the sharp sounds — plates, glasses, cutlery — and if your guests get rowdy, the fabric absorbs some of that too.
Avoid white unless you can soften the lighting significantly. Choose a colour that creates the mood you're after — the season, the occasion, or simply what you love right now. Pattern works well too, and it's less formal than plain; it tends to put people at ease. If you have guests who don't know each other, use pattern.
If you'd rather skip the tablecloth, try table runners going across the table rather than down the middle — a nice effect, as you can see in the photos. Or if you only have a plain cloth, add a colourful runner down the centre.
4 – Candles and flowers. Use candles for both light and scent. If you're using a scented candle, burn it before dinner to set the mood, turn it off while you're eating (some scents don't belong near food), and light it again afterwards. Flowers are wonderful in the room, but keep them off the table during the meal — they compete for attention.
5 – Build up your tableware over time. This doesn't mean spending a lot. Thrift stores are full of great serving dishes, platters, bowls, and candle holders. An interesting, collected mix gives you more creative options and makes your table feel personal rather than matched. Same goes for glasses — variety is good.
6 – Sort your playlist before anyone arrives. Don't just hit shuffle on something ambient. Put some surprises in there. Aim for at least three hours so you never have to think about it again. Play it through for yourself before guests arrive — I always have a small private party before anyone shows up. After all, I'm going to have the most fun.
7 – Create a spot for dirty dishes and forget about it. People don't care about dishes. Just designate a spot for stacking and leave it alone. Do not start washing up while the conversation is only just getting going — unless you want people to leave early.
8 – Wear something comfortable that makes you feel great. You're the host. Dress for enjoyment, not performance.
(Stephen Tanis)
